Engagement to be!!

October 26, 2008 at 3:34 pm (Uncategorized)

 

It’s almost three years since dad passed away. I can’t believe how fast time runs.

My brother is almost 30 now. He was hesitant to get married since he has been our bread winner. After a year of  long struggling with my eldest brother convincing him to get married, he finally agreed!! We told him about almost 15 girls from outside the family and inside the family. However, none was appealing to him!!

I felt that he had someone in mind but he kept on denying it!! It was 2 weeks ago when my eldest sister had a long chat with him about getting married. She mentioned the name of a girl accidentally but told him that we “his sisters” won’t agree on her!!

She said he was shocked and wanted to know the reasons of our refusal. I will tell you the reasons now. The girl he has in mind has a sister who was supposed to get married two weeks after dad passed away. During the funeral, everyone was devastated enough to talk about anything at all especially that my dad is the uncle for most of my family memebers.

My mom recieved a call a week later where she was told that my cousin is getting married!! Couldn’t they wait until at least 30 days pass

 for God’s sake!! He is her uncle!! How rude they are!!

Mom was shocked enough to understand whatever was going on that time. She later discovered that she gave them her blessings thinking that it won’t happen anytime sooner!! What shocked us more and created this BIG gab between my family members and us is the role of my uncles and ants!!

The eldest is the one whose daughter was getting married!! The 2nd went for his vacation in Turkey with all his family members!! Two of my aunts went to the beauty shop and dressed up with their msot expensive dresses to attend the wedding though they are OLD with married kids!! MY youngest aunt went for a scholarship.

Where was that role of  mom’s supportive brothers and sisters back then!! Weren’t they considered siblings when it was a wedding cermony!! Was it only appearances!! Where was my eldest uncle when he was supposed to stay by mom’s side!! Dancing and celebrating his daughter’s marriage!! Couldn’t he even delayed it a month or two more!! Not for our sake but for his sister’s God damn it!!

Almost three yeas passed with us being almost seperated from our family. That was the reason I couldn’t attend any of their wedding cermonies. No, it was because I caouldn’t see them feeling happy when I am still burning inside!!

I don’t know why I drifted into all of these when I was gonna talk about something cheerful on the way. Nevermind, I guess I am clearing all of what was gathered  and accumulated inside me.

So, the girl my brother wants to get married to is the sister of the girl who got married two weeks after dad passed away. Why was he silent all the time and refusing to marry? It’s because he saw his future wih her and since he knew all of that inside our hearts, he couldn’t utter a word.

When I heard the news that he wants to marry her, I wasn’t shcoked!! I have told my mom and sisters earlier that he wants to marry THIS girl. They were all like NO WAY and we don’t wanna have their girl after what happened.

When we knew that he has this girl in mind, things changed. It was my turn to give my opinion . From my own perspective, the girl is awesome. I have known her all my life since she and her eldest sisters WERE my intimate friends and I used to spent nights and days at their house.  However, everything shattered after what happened.

So, the girl is amazing but the problem is her family. Her dad is the person who is supposed to be called UNCLE. Her mom is one of the greatest women I have ever seen. So, where is the problem!!? It’s the wound that is still bleeding in our hearts since what occured.

Everybody seemed half projecting but I wasn’t. I hate when kids are being judged due to something their parents did!! That’s foolish and we are all educated enough to understand that it wasn’t her fault!! What would she have done that time? NOTHING!!

We live in a male dominant society. Women here have no opinion whatsover when it comes to marriage. If my cousin objected on the wedding day, no one would have ever listened to her even her groom. Three years passed, family bonds are getting loose every minute, so, enough with the crap I said!! God forgives his sinnest creatures, why can’t we when we are only SLAVES!!

Two of my sisters were in denial but I asked them not to interfere since it’s my brother’s choice and his awaitening future. So, I could see a glimpse of happiness entering our house soon ;D

My mom called the girl’s mother who was extremely delighted. She said she won’t have a better proposal ever but she has to take the girl’s opinion. I am not saying this because he is my brother but as a guy, he has everything a girl could dream of. I am positive that she will give her YES but like any girl out there, she has to be shy and give her answer in a week or two.

I am happy for both. Moreover, I am happy to see us connected as a family again. What happened is past and past can never be restored again. We are tomorrow’s children 😉

See ya soon

His Sweetheart

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13 Comments

  1. Broken Wing said,

    First I’ve got to say that it’s hard to comment sometimes on such a sensitive subject, but i know this post was very heartfelt =].
    Sometimes we always think our relatives never cared for the tragic things happening to us because they do something like throw a big celebration when we are still grieving. I remember recently when my grandmother past away. We are in America and we had our own funeral, and were grieving for such a long time. We found out that some of our uncles and cousins who are back home didn’t show up in her funeral =| . I think it’s human nature to just ignore and avoid the people that have hurt us, but it’s also human nature to go on and not let past hurts build a wall between us and our relatives. Even though i think my uncles and cousins didn’t deserve our forgiveness we forgave them anyway because if we didn’t we will be hurting our selves, not them.

    I am so happy for your brother and your cousin =] and you are absolutely right!!!! we should never punish the kids for what their parents did =]. I love your optimism, I wish more people let go of past hurts and moved on =]

    sorry for blabbering =] I had a lot to say =)

  2. hissweetheart said,

    Oh, Broken Wing!!

    I wish you have written more sweetie!!

    I felt it was me commenting I swear.

    *hugs*

    Thanks sweetheart

  3. A Global Citizen said,

    Wow marra 7amas masha’Allah 😀

    Weddings somehow bring happiness and cheerfulness to households. We just had a wedding a couple of days ago in my family, and God you can’t imagine how hectic it was to prepare for the whole thing. But somehow there were happy, joyous moments.. moments when you just stop right there and smile. 🙂

    Just forget whatever happened in the past, the girl obviously had nothing to do with whatever happened, and just support your brother’s decision, I think he needs that the most now.

    And you did the right thing, HS, by not interferring or taking the issue to a more complicated level. God bless you! 🙂

    Alf alf mabrook !

    P.S: am I invited to the wedding? 😉

  4. hissweetheart said,

    Global Citizen

    Thanks hun ;D

    Yes, you’re sweet pie. Start looking for a dress from now 😉

  5. Scribbler said,

    Though I feel your pain regarding your family’s actions after your father has passed, I’m so happy and proud of you to hear that you’re willing to build those lost bonds once again through your brother’s marriage. May Allah bless them and your family…

    3ogbaalik… Ameen…

    Scribbler

  6. hissweetheart said,

    Scribbler
    Awww, me married. Why does that sound so evilish for me hehehe

    Thanks bro 😉

  7. ummadam said,

    I have so much to say about this post.

    1. You did great! I’m so proud of you. I was hoping to read of YOUR engagement…soon insha’Allah.

    2. I was just thinking of writing a blog about people like your brother. a lot of blogs are focusing on how backwards, irresponsible, insert negative description, Saudi (men in particular are). I wanted to write about what I have witnessed. I know a number of families where the father has passed and the boy had to become man. He takes care of his mother and siblings, even if the sisters are older than him. I know many cases like this and I have never seen this in America. It just won’t happen and if it does it is rare.

    3. I wouldn’t be so hard on the family. You know how long it takes to plan a wedding. What if the other family was not understanding because they were not relative or closely related to your father. Postponing the wdding could have meant ending the wedding.

    Not to mention The Prophet says: “A woman may not be in mourning for any deceased person for more than three days, except for her husband. She is in mourning for him for four months and ten days. During this time, she does not wear a colorful dress, except of the Asb type, and she does not blacken her eyelashes, wear perfume, uses make up, does her hair except after her period, when she may use a touch of perfume.” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Al-Nassaie, Abu Dawood and Ibn Majah.)

    Some of the scholars say that excessive grieving hurts the deceased, that the deceased is shown the actions of his relatives (such as wailing and beating the chest) and that they are hurt by this. Your father sounds like a great man, may Allah grant huim Firdaws…aameen, do you think he would be pleased to know that his family called off a joyous occasion such as the wedding of his beloved neice, to mourn for him? I can only speculate but I’m thinking he would be pleased to know that the family is doing good and accepted Allah’s Qadr (his death).

    I know that you have moved past that and forgiven them, but I also wanted to share another perspective with you that your emotions may not have allowed you to see.

    Inni uhibbuki fillah

  8. hissweetheart said,

    Ummadam
    Both families of the bride and the groom were relatives, close ones to be specific!! However, that was just rotten past!!

    Reading such a lovely comment filled my heart with warmth!!

    Love ya 2

  9. big pearls said,

    awww I am so happy for you. Enshalla she will say yes and you will all be very happy to be united again:)

  10. hissweetheart said,

    big pearls

    Thanks a lot sweet thing ;D

  11. Shahrzad said,

    Congrats. I am happy to hear all this happy news. After the hardship you’ve had.. 🙂

  12. Fatimah said,

    OMG!! The story is so WOW!! So much drama -on your expense I know =p- .. but really, what happened is for the best in sha’a Allah it will bring you guys closer to the rest of the family ..
    Mabrook and 3ugbal el3izzab =)

  13. д§mд said,

    Utterly glad that you people agreed to the proposal. May your brother and SIL live a blessed life.

    As for the commencement of marriage after few days of your father’s death. It was shocking enough for you because of the intimacy you had with the relation who just departed. For the family commencing marriage, things are just not easy. Bookings and stuff … and you missed out the guy’s family too. Apart from that Islam says mourn for three days and not more. Just for wife the mourning is prolonged that to due to various reasons. The newer generation should start seeing things a bit up from emotional scale 🙂

    Prayers for the gal n guy!

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