Eid

September 30, 2008 at 12:26 am (Uncategorized)

Tomorrow is Eid!! Did I forget to tell you that I am not happy!!

I am not a big fan of it anyways. I have started hating it since I lost my dad. Yes, I don’t celebrate it because there is no Eid without dad!! I know it’s muslim’s Eid and that celebrating it is a must for  but I can’t see myself in it, happy and cheerful as well!! I have been having this feeling for two years now  and I don’t think I will get over it!!

Deep inside, I don’t wanna enjoy it. What’s the use ,eh? There is no taste of joy whatsover in it for me. I have become homey ever since. I haven’t been to parties, weddings, whatever is the thing that might cause joy  to people but sadness inside my heart!!

The only time I succumbed to mom’s will ended up with failure. I went to my cousin’s wedding 10 months ago. I was shaking like a leaf at the entrance. I went inside and my legs were hardly carrying me. The moment I entered, my family memeberes came to greet me expressing how glad they are to see me. I felt nothing but that the Earth was moving!! I couldn’t bear it and I collapsed!! Mom became sadder more and felt sorry for pushing me into it.

Dad, I miss you 😦

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4 Comments

  1. American Bedu said,

    HS,

    Missing your Dad as you do and having the conflicting feelings is a natural process of the grieving process and of course it is made worse and amplified during those special times such as Eid. Have you considered each Eid writing a special letter to your Dad, sharing your thoughts and feelings? You may find this to be very cleansing for you.

    I lost my father (and mother) so I do understand the sense of loss. I cannot say it goes away but we do learn to deal with it….but I can tell you from experience that holding in the emotions is not the solution.

    All the best to you,
    American Bedu

  2. Hind said,

    Sweetie.. m3laih, it’s going to be okay inshallah. Don’t push yourself into doing anything. Take your time, a9lan there’s nothing worth it out there. Besides, who still enjoys eid anyway? (lol) i personally don’t! and the only thing i get excited about is that i get to eat after fajr prayer lol i know i sound like a kid but i really do!
    kul 3am o enti b5air 🙂 o inshallah this eid is going to be much better 😀
    xoxoo

  3. hissweetheart said,

    American Bedu

    I haven’t ever thought about writing a letter. The idea made me tear!! I will definitley do it!

    Thanks alot sweetie

  4. hissweetheart said,

    Hind
    *hugs* *hugs*
    You were words were so sweet wallah. Thanks alot sugar 😉

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