His Sweetheart is me!!

August 5, 2008 at 4:54 pm (Uncategorized)

Hi everyody

I am new to the blog world and to start with, you can call me “his sweetheart”. I am sure many people out there are wondering whay did I choose such a nick!! Some are making assumptions that oh, how sweet to write about her boyfriend. On the otherhand, some are mocking me for refering to my boyfriend as they think!!

What I wanna tell you here and assue those nosey people that, I have chosen it for so many reasons. First of all, my name was TAKEN. Secondly, all the nicks I thought of were taken also. Thirdly and most importantly, this nick I am using came out spontaneously because I was thinking about him!! Yeah, I said “HIM” but not any him outside. It’s my dad..

To start with let me brief you on my relationship with my dad. My dad is he closest person to me. He is my bestest friend and the only one I can vent to so easily. There is nothing lovelier than being “dad’s pet”. I just love it, I can’t deny it. As any dad and daughter, we used to have our fights accompanied with tears from my side and anger from his. This fight usually ends up with him knocking the door of my room. He comes in, sits beside me and fills my heart with all the love words someone could ever imagine!! No wonder, I am a copy of him in everything!!

When diabetic people get injured, it becomes so hard for their wounds to heal. Things might get complicated and this was what happened with him. Yeah, his biggest toe was cut!!. The DR said it was his own best to cut it so that the inflamation won’t reach the leg!! It was really harsh on him, on all of us too.

He used to wear socks to cover it because he felt that his grandchildren watching it will be something scary!! Another reason was hat he didn’t wanna see that sympathy look in our eyes!! He is our dad, the breadwinner for God’s sake!! It was really really hard and what made it harder was the DR response when dad went for a check-up afew days later. He stood up infront of the x-rays saying that he is afraid the inflamation went up to the leg. That means what I shouted!!! I was crying and shouting telling him that you said cutting the toe will solve the whole issue!! Howcome you call yourself a doctor, someone who heals up people’s wounds if you area LIAR!! I really hated and cursed all doctors there knowing that deep isnide, there are some great doctors!! Luckily, it was healed with no damages, Thanks God!!

The sad part started two years ago. He was ill and I thought it was due to his diabetes. He spent a week complaining about a pain in his left arm. He was refusing going to any hospitals for a check-up saying that my massage would do wonders to him!! I used to massage it everyday and at the same time telling him to go for a check up but he was stubborn!! I don’t blame dad for all what he saw from hospitals.

I remember we were invited for dinner one day and came home late. Dad was sleeping in his room but then he woke up, took a shower and came and sat with us in the living room. Later, he decided to lay down on the sofa for a while. We were chatting, he was chatting with us and if not he was listening.

He took off his watch and glasses, put them on the table behid him. He started making strange sounds which grew louder and louder. I freakd out and we all ran to him!! He was almost passed out, sweating, shaking, and muttering unhearable words. My sis said that his sugar might be low so she ran to the kitchen and brought some sugar. We put it in his mouth but it didn’t help!!

We were alone that time with none of my brothers present at that time. We called my brother who freaked out and said it will take him 10 minutes to come!! He said he will bring my cousin with him. I was trying to comfort myself all the time saying that; ” it’s just a phase, just a phase,”. However, seeing my brother looking at my dad with teary eyes make me explode!! I was crying loudly and calling dad to wake up!!

My cousin came with my brother. He came in and my feet couldn’t make me stand up to go and wear my abbaya!! I was really breaking down!! They couldn’t hold my dad alone so my sis and I ran to help them. I don’t know how I managed to wear my abbaya but I did. We were holding him, the four of us. We went out trying to put him in the car with my screaming and shouting behind us. I felt something burning in my feet then, I looked down and noticed that i was barefeet and my foot was beeling due to some borken glass in the street!!

We really wanted to go with them in the car but they refused!! Minutes later we called my bro asking about dad. He said dad is better, he wokeup in the car asking where is he!! The doctor says he will spent the night at the hospital and leave tomorrow morning. We were all praying for his safety, didn’t stop crying or worrying for a second.

Half an hour later, my bro came in asking for some identification papers that the hosiptal has asked for. I remember dad’s room was locked that time. We were perplexed then, couldn’t find the key so we broke the door. My bro got the papers and left comfronting us that dad is allright!! We were somehow relaxed and thanked God for everything.

Some time later, my bro came back again. I was sitting in the living room with my sis next to me. He was wearing that weary look, the look I will never ever forget when he said “Dad died”!!!!

Don’t tell me there can be something harder than this because there is not!! I couldn’t blieve it!! “You are not telling the truth,” I shouted. He came to me and hugged me!! My bro hugging me means it’s somehing real!! I pushed him away telling that I don’t need his hugs nor his sympathy.

“I just want dad to be back,”!! Is it hard to ask for!!?? I spent days not eating, drinking or talking!! I was going made yo can say!! Now, two years has passed over his loss.

3 days after I lost him I knew accidentally what caused his death!! Three ladies were sitting next to each other pointing at me and my sisters saying how sad we look and how the title “Orphans” will be stuck to us. They were saying that no one could ever expect him to have a heart attack!! That time I felt like having a heart attack. I was really suffocating!! Dad never complained of his heart!! He never ever did!! He was following certain diets due to his diabetese and his heart was very stronger!! I could’t even talk about it or mention to anybody even my closest sister!!

So, the pain he was feeling in his left shoulder was his heart!!! Howcome he never felt so!! Howcome nobody suspected it!! The doctor said that 3 blocked veins caused his death!! God, why it wasn’t me not him!!

Was I acting crazy after his loss!! I guess yeah!!

I still wait for him to open th door.

I still hear the sound of his keys announcing his coming

I still see him sitting on the edge of my bed wiping my tears

I still hear him imitating the way I talk on the phone with my friends

I still find it hard to look at the door of his lokced room

I still find it hard to sit in his favorie chair in the living room

 

People said I have changed alot. Some said I am still affected by his loss. Others said it changed me alot and that I have become a diferent ME!! How can I be the same when two weeks later after dad passed away, my cousin got married as if nothing happened!! He is your uncle for God’s sake!! Isn’t it the guy you disgust you are marrying!! Isn’t it me, your cousin and one of your bestest friends who lost half of her heart now!! How can people be so cruel and so merciless!! Aren’t you the one who hugged me at the funeral and cried with me!! ?Aren’t you the one who forced me to dirnk something that day because I was looking lifeless!!

Is that what we call being realtives!! Is that what you call friendship!! Can marriage maks people so mericless even to the people they love and cherish!! They did it!! She got married to him!! Her mom kept on defending her saying that her son-in-law couldn’t wait anymore and refused to delay the wedding even for a month. She told my mom “You know, the bride’s word doesn’t matter here, it’s he who has the word,”!!

WTF and who were you fooling!!!! A marriage can never occur without her majesty existence!! You couldn’t find any lousier excuse for God’s sake!! What was shocking more was the reaction of my aunts!! They all dressed up, wore make up and went to the wedding dancing and celebrating!!! I don’t think anyone of you have so-called family like mine!! Mom, your sis was dying, grieving and lamenting!! The least thing you could do was sitting with her not going to a wedding that made her heart burn more!!

I have always hated my family but I have never imagined them to be so mean like this!! Sine I lost my dad, I stopped being that energetic soul. I used to love parties and weddings but I haven’t gone to any since dad’s!! I jsut lost that spirit and I honeslty don’t want to regain it again. I don’t know why, I just don’t!!

I am exhausted, so tired to write. I guess I said it all though I wasn’t really planning to write about it at all!!

 

See ya soon

His Sweetheart

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16 Comments

  1. Faisal Alsaad said,

    Will always be here for you, I am your best friend, your best damn friend! 🙂

  2. Bassem said,

    This post is sweet, heartbreaking and many different things at the same time.

    I really can’t say that I understand or that I know what it feels like. I’m sorry for your loss. Allh yer7mo wo yeda5elo fase7 jannato. I guess that’s life as cliched as that might sound.

    2 weeks is indeed 2 early in my personal opinion but I don’t know what’s their point of view so don’t be so angry at your family…

    Again, you seem to have had a great relationship with your dad and I’m sure you’ll always be His Sweetheart 🙂

  3. hissweetheart said,

    Bu Nawaf, Faisal sweetie
    I know you are the best!! Thanks alot my dearest

  4. hissweetheart said,

    Bassem
    I really appreciate it. Thanks again and again for the sweet words of yours 🙂

  5. Splendid said,

    I think it’s a very sweet nickname….
    May Allah grant him a place in paradise…

    this is donia , you never know when people surprise you by their actions..indeed it’s frustrating they celebrated while you were still grieving..
    but keep in mind he is in a better place inshallah & it’s not so long till we all join that world..

    welcome into the blog sphere

  6. hissweetheart said,

    Splendid

    Thanks for the splendid words of yours 🙂

    Inshalla we will gather around the people who proceeded us to the Hereafter and gather in Heaven 🙂

  7. Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said,

    you absolutely broke my heart with this post!!! I’m glad you introduced yourself on my blog and although technically I’m not off my “break” yet , I felt compelled to comment on this. Blogging is truly cathartic and I hope you get the same emotional release that I get through my own writing. Inshallah, your father will be in the highest level of Jannah.

  8. hissweetheart said,

    Thanks alot Daisy
    Writing helps me alot in getting things off my chest.

    Glad you came over 🙂

    Thanks for the paryers

  9. Twilight said,

    Oh the memories of my mom’s death this entry brought back 😦
    It’s only been four months yet it feels like she’s been gone forever.

    I look forward to reading more entries on your blog. It helps to write sometimes 🙂

    His sweetheart– I like it.

  10. hissweetheart said,

    Twilight sweetie

    I read about your mom and it really saddened me I swear!! I felt it was my loss!!

    May Allah grant her Heaven inshalla

  11. orthotic insoles said,

    I’ve only been reading since the last few posts, but I am enjoying your views more and more. I’ll be back for more and will be sure to subscribe!

  12. hissweetheart said,

    Orthtic Insoles

    Thanks alot 🙂

    That’s a big compliment for me ;D

  13. Nader said,

    Beautiful nickname… and heart-breaking post.
    I really can’t imagine how you had the courage to write such a piece. If I (who never had such an incident) had to wipe my tears after every line of your post, then what would you (who had really gone through the whole thing) have done? It must’ve been really REALLY hard.
    May Allah bestow his mercy on your father, and gather all of you in paradise. Ameen.

  14. hissweetheart said,

    Ameen Nader
    My dad being dead now is what the society says or considers. True, I miss his warm hugs and calming voice but he is still here beside me!!

    Thanks a lot Nader for the sweet prayers of yours you. I pray to God that you won’t pass through what I have been seeing and feeling, ameen 😉

  15. Khalid said,

    His Sweetheart, a sweet name to a courageous lady. I’m a man, and I assure you that I don’t have your courage.

    It’s almost 6am here and I’ve not slept yet. By shear accident I landed on your Blog. You’re writing is impeccable. May “Al-Ferdous” be your dad current home. I should admit, I shed tears with each line I’ve read in this post. I was seeing a movie picturing your dad movement. May this be the last loss for you. Everything has to end one day, and nothing is going to live to eternity. The best thing, as you’ve already done, is to take out all the negative waves inside you and throw them out somewhere.

    I have a friend of mine, whenever something annoys him, he writes a poem about it. Then, he put this piece of paper he wrote inside a bottle, and throw it on the sea. I, myself, being a lover of everything I write, cannot do what he does. But this just to show you how people are creative sometimes in finding ways to let it all out.

    God Bless you

  16. hissweetheart said,

    Khalid
    Thanks a lot for those sweet words and prayer of yours.

    You are courageous as well I am sure but you haven’t discovered that yet!!

    Thanks again and welcome to my small world 🙂

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